What is it like to lose a loved one? I don’t wanna know.
Minutes from now, my husband is about to undergo an open surgery in his abdomen. It is his first time to be going through a major operation with general anaesthesia. Anxiety and fear are slowly getting into my nerves. Worry is making my head heavy. I don’t think no one will ever be ready for anything like this no matter how learned a person might be. Negative thoughts are creeping in.
I am extremely sad when I arrived at the hospital with my baby – we already missed my husband as he already went inside the operating room all by himself! We agreed that I will bring our elder daughter to school first and we will just see each other at the reception of the hospital if I am able to catch up. We have no relatives around being new migrants. Thus, we need to do all things on our own. Oh God! I even forgot to tell him how much I love him just before he goes inside.
I love my partner very much. He completes me. He is literally my better half. I want to let him know – “I love him until we grow old. I love him ’til our hair grows white. I love him ’til forever.”
I want to tell him that:
Even when we disagree sometimes, I still love him.
Even if he speaks less about his ideals, I know he always thinks of what’s best for us.
Even if he doesn’t say he is tired already we want to let him know that we appreciate his hard work.
Even if he thinks he is less capable of what he thinks, deep in our heart he is the best.
Even if I don’t utter or express it often, I want him to know that I will love him forever.
The vow we had on our wedding day just flashed back – to love each other in sickness and in health, for richer or for poorer, ’til death do we part! I love him! I don’t want to lose him!
To all of you who read this. Don’t forget to say “I love you” to the ones who matter to you. You may not have any other chance. Never mind if love is not reciprocated. Love that is expressed is never lost. Once it’s given it softens the heart and purifies the soul.