“Mama, I know you’re sad with what happened. Don’t be! I already forgive him!”
My heart is in rage as I found out that my daughter has been bullied in school. It’s something that all parents don’t want their children to experience.
During quiet time after my daughter and I played together, I usually ask her about school. In those times, I figure her thoughts and feelings by just hearing her out with no judgments. But when I heard her say that a boy had kicked him in the tummy after being jealous that the boy’s best friend was playing with her, I felt really furious. Of course! I am a parent and no one has the right to hurt my daughter! No one is allowed to do that to anyone and this needs some solution!
As an immediate initial reaction, we’ve taken out a standard leaflet from their school kit about ‘how to handle bullying’ and went through the bullet points of what to do when you are bullied:
- Keep Calm.
- Shout “Stop I don’t Like It”.
- Don’t be mean back. It will not stop.
- Go to your friends or a safe place.
- Tell an Adult or a Teacher. Keep talking until you feel better.
She said she stayed calm, shouted and went to her friends. However, she did not tell the teacher as she feels afraid that the boy might chase her. This has concerned me, thus, surely got me to talking to her teacher the next day.
It was a good talk hence I was able to bring everything to the teacher’s attention when we let my daughter narrate the sequence of events herself, share out our worries, and asked how this will be prevented. Then I learned that the school and teachers have proactive measures in place. Moreover, the teacher gave assurance that closer observations will follow and Big-Buddy-System strengthens this. This is where big kids in school are partnered with young kids to act as big sisters or brothers.
You see, my daughter is friendly and kind to all her peers. In fact, she can be girly one day or one of the boys the next! She loves playing active most of the time that’s why she ends up in robust games with the male counterparts which I think poses some risk to be physically hurt at times when they are playing. On the other hand, playing with the girls can sometimes hurt emotionally said my daughter when girls talk mean sometimes or their pal finds another friend for a short time. However, this did not stop her from being kind to anyone including the boy who hurt her when she said to me “Mama, I know you’re sad with what happened. Don’t be! I already forgive him!”
Indeed, I realised — there is no exact formula to telling kids on how to form friendships, face challenges and handle life in general. As a matter of fact, sometimes she’s teaching me much more — to adapt, to forgive, to love, to let go, to enjoy, to move on… There are times when I just want to shelter her from all the risks of pain and struggle that I want to keep her just at home. But if I do so, I take away the opportunity for her to develop her own life skills. Skills that grow through experience and by dealing with different people.
Things change. Regardless, what is important is we are able to assure her that we are always here for her…to listen, support, and let her feel secure every step of the way! We will love her no matter what and guide her path to the voice inside her heart.
It is hard being a parent! I thank you for hearing my heart out!